Tuesday's Thoughts: Second Chances

Lately some things have been going on that have gotten me thinking about second chances, more specifically about how to decide if a person should get a second chance and, if they're lucky enough to deserve one, how many second chances a person should receive. I'm a strong believer in redemption, and I tend to like to see the best in people, but sometimes, you need to build a wall for people, and maybe not let them in as much, especially if they've done something to hurt you.


In my lifetime, I've been given plenty of second chances by people, and I've given people more second chances than they have probably deserved. When I'm trying to decide whether or not to allow someone back in, what I try to do is think about what kind of person they are. Was the fact that they screwed up or hurt me a one time thing? Or was it a reoccurring event? Another thing that I tend to consider is how much the person really means to me. As horrible as it sounds, I try to imagine what my life would be like if they weren't there; if it seems like it would be better with them gone, then that's it, they're gone, but if I can't imagine what life would be like without them, I let them come back in, but with a little bit more caution each time.


In the past couple of months, I've had two very difficult situations in which second chances were involved:


The first situation was with a girl who we'll call J. We've had our differences in the past, but during the end of the summer and the beginning of the school year, I let her back into my life completely. With it being field hockey season and all of our other friends busy with that everyday and most weekends, J and I became extremely close, so close in fact that I considered her to be my sister, and she had begun referring to me as the third sister in her family; however, as our friendship grew stronger, so did some tension. I'm not really sure what caused it, but she always seemed to be a little resentful of me for some reason in some odd way. She began snapping at me more and more often and soon enough she was telling me what we were doing each day after school, not to mention the fact that I had to drive her everywhere because she shared a car with her little sister. One day though, she texted me, extremely angrily, something along the lines of "we're going to the gym this afternoon. i have a lot of anger to get out." Just like any concerned friend, I was trying to figure out what was wrong, so I asked a friend of mine, who J claimed to be "in love" with and was in class with when she texted me, what had happened to her. He told me whatever story had happened, but I was still trying to get her to tell me the details. However, as I was texting her, that friend took my phone and tweeted about how me and him were having such a good time in math class together, something that he's done multiple times before. Apparently, this made J even more mad, because not only did she just stand me up at the gym that day, but the next day I got a text from her about how immature I was to think that the reason she was mad at me was because I was friends with this guy. I asked her to tell me what the real reason was, and that was when she snapped on me. J told me things that I would never imagine saying to someone who I considered to be my best friend, she threatened to spread made up rumors about me, and even to go tell my parents lies that they would believe. Later that night though, she called me and left a message saying how sorry she was and how she wanted to meet up and talk. 


In that situation, I never called her back. It's been about three months since J and I talked, and I'm completely fine with that. The second chance was not worth it for me; I didn't want to have to deal with the immaturity and drama that she brought along with her friendship. Our fight had gotten me to notice the changes that were happening in my personality, and I honestly was not proud of the bitch that I had become after hanging around with her so much.


The second situation that I've been involved in with second chances recently was one in which I was the one asking for another chance to be in my ex-boyfriend, turned probably one of my closest friend's


You see, that's the funny thing about second chances, they work both ways, and sometimes we forget that and consequently we forget to fix our mistakes and change our ways to make them work. Unfortunately, I may never be friends with P again, which is really a shame because he was the only guy I've met so far that I can completely open up to and just be myself with, and he's one of the people that I will always care the most about, no matter how many years have passed or how much drama we've been through. But sometimes, the fact that you love and care about a person isn't enough to get them to give you a second chance. Second chances are things that have to be earned, and even once you earn them, you have to keep working to keep them, they aren't something that should be taken for granted. Sometimes to earn a second chance you have to have perseverance in showing you've made a difference in your life; sometimes, they just take a little time or patience and then they'll come; but sometimes they never come, which is why any second chance you get, you should make the most of it.

Tuesday's Thoughts: Relationships

This Tuesday I thought that I would share my thoughts on relationships, more specifically different types of high school relationships. I think that this is interesting because when you think about it, a person has so many different types of relationships that they're involved in. For example, I have my closest friends which I share an intimate, in the sense that we can be open with out feelings and share our problems, relationship; with my teachers, coaches, and boss I have a working relationship; with my parents and other family members I have a familial relationship; and every once and a while when I'm lucky, I meet a guy and that turns into a romantic relationship.


However, those four types of relationships don't begin to cover all the people that I see in a day. There are those people who I used to be close to, but now I'm not, with them I have what I would call a drifting relationship; then there are those people with whom I have conversations and talk about things with, but I'll probably never hang out with outside of school, with them I would say that I have a friendly relationship; there are also the people who I have to be nice to, no matter how badly I dislike them, I would call that a love/hate relationship; and finally there are those people who I can't even begin to describe my relationship with and those are the complicated relationships.


Getting back to the four main categories of high school relationships, I think it's amazing to look back and see how they've evolved and who is in what category at the end of high school as compared to the beginning.


For the evolution of intimate relationships with my closest friends I've noticed a big difference. It's sad to see some people drift away from you, but it's inevitably going to happen, especially in high school. High school is the time to develop into the type of person that you want to be, sure, you can change in college, but you're never going to become a completely different person than you were in high school unless something completely drastic occurs. That's why there is normally at least a slight difference in who you're closest friends are when you get to graduation. I know that for me personally, my friendships have changed just because I've realized when I don't want to put myself in certain situations, or have to deal with juvenile and unnecessary fights. Also, I've noticed that they changed as I became more social throughout high school and wanted to do more than just have a movie night every Saturday.
   
I've also noticed a change in my working relationships, and not just that I've had new teachers every year. I've noticed that as high school has progressed, each year the teachers are a little more lenient on what we have to do in class, and that each year my coach gives me a little more responsibility in practice. I love the evolution of these relationships because it proves the changes that I have made in myself are good ones, and that they are noticed by the people around me. Also, this evolution is one that I've noticed has continued even into my workplace. After working as a lifeguard this summer, I've seen how each year you earn more responsibility and more hours to work, which I think is a great system because it would be unreasonable to hold people credible for something if you knew nothing about them.


My familial relationships are the ones that I have not noticed a change in for some reason. Even as I mature, my parents seem to be unwilling to give me more responsibility and freedom. At almost 18 years old, I still have to check in with my parents with everything I do, and not that that is a bad thing, but it just worries me because I don't know how I'm going to respond next year when I'm off at college and have to take complete responsibility. This is why I believe that familial relationships need to evolve too, there needs to be that sense of trust between family members, and there needs to be a higher sense of responsibility as kids mature.


Even though my days in high school aren't completely over yet, they're limited, and even looking back now, it's both funny and sad to see how some relationships have completely faded or changed. For me intimate relationships with friends have turned into drifting relationships, and best friends have even turned into enemies. I can't help but wonder what my relationships will be like when I walk across the stage to receive my diploma in June, or what they'll be like coming back for future class reunions, but that's the funny thing about relationships, they never truly stop evolving, they're a constant work in progress.